So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
