please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
