Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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