hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
