Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
