Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
