.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
