last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
