No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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