So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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