I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
