i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
