It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
