the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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