It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
this just has baby written all over it
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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