My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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