i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
