I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
