You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
this beer tastes like vomit already
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
