'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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