i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
