I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
