If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
