every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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