I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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