Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
