so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
