Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
