bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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