Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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