The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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