Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
