Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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