i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Randomize
