I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
