we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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