Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
