Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize