Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
