rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
