I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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