Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
