we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
don't judge my taste in strippers
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
