wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
