3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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