You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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