I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
