Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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