super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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