I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
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