I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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