HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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