It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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